At work, I make dozens of considered decisions about and during each intervention. Think about any conflict, and there was perhaps some heart stopping moment when you realized that someone needs to do or say something. But what? Each intervention, reframe, summary, or caucus, has potential to be a change leading the parties somewhere, with no returning to the prior state. Seventeen years ago, I wrote a 90,000+ word novel about a Conflict Manager’s thought processes at work, the in-the-moment decision-making. Editing those words has been my 16 year obsession since. If… Read more The Mind Of A Mediator: my novel in progress →
I was retained by a team that had been in conflict for – by their reckoning – about ten years. They were so skeptical of conflict management and reluctant to discuss their issues that I suggested we try Dialogue instead of trying for resolution. Despite their unwillingness and half-hearted engagement, they gave it a try. At the session’s conclusion, they expressed disappointment that Dialogue was just talk when they needed magic. There are many conflict management processes Four days later, I phoned to check in. The team lead reported with surprised delight that the… Read more Conflict Analysis of Dialogue →
There are myths we hear about what conflict management is and what a Conflict Manager does. I propose exposing three of those myths. Here are true stories of cases I’ve had, made generic to preserve confidentiality:
Question posed: My two siblings are in a conflict and asked me to chose a side, like casting a deciding vote. I said I’m neutral, which upset them both. I have an opinion on who’s correct, but don’t want to get involved. Should I tell them my decision? Answer: It must feel like whatever you chose to do, you lose. You’ve tried three options: to steer clear, be neutral, and offer an opinion, none of which they accepted. They won’t retreat from their one option of you choosing, which you’ve refused… Read more It Depends: Finding balance in conflict →
Deborah Sword 