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Conflict Doctor Q&A
Ask me questions about how to do conflict better
Do you wonder what you can do, could have done, or might do differently or better in the future?
Conflict teaches valuable lessons. You may want help applying those lessons to prevent a conflict, manage a current conflict, or be prepared for the next conflict that will happen.
Perhaps I’ve answered a question you also have, and you want details. I’m happy to hear from you.
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
September 12, 2025
Question: A parent asked about his child’s recent public meltdown. As the Conflict Doctor, I squirmed, anticipating a parenting question that I’m not qualified to answer. Instead, he admitted his immature overreaction was the low point of the scene.
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
May 27, 2018
Question: I'm considering becoming a Conflict Manager, but I've had an unusual, technical career. In your opinion, yes or no, can someone transition from focus on hard skills to soft skills?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
August 19, 2017
Question: Is it seemly for a manager to apologize to someone he supervises? Although I was in the wrong, I'm concerned about losing face, or diminishing my authority in the employee’s eyes.
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
August 14, 2017
Question: You seem to love being a Conflict Manager and I think I would too. Any suggestions for getting into the field?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
November 10, 2016
Question: What is the one quality I can use to make rejection easier for the other person to accept?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
October 18, 2015
Question: How do I change the other person’s behaviour when that is what’s creating conflict?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
April 21, 2014
Have you ever asked: "What could I have done differently?" Ask me questions about how to do conflict better: whether to prevent a conflict, manage your current conflict, or be prepared for the next conflict that will happen. I’ve worked for decades to help people develop their conflict competence.
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
April 20, 2014
Question: I asked an acquaintance why he did something (he even admitted it was obviously stupid). He accused me of being judgmental, stormed away, and won't speak to me. What did I do wrong?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
December 10, 2011
Question: A co-worker and I have jobs that rely on each other for success, yet we can't seem to work together. We either trip over each other doing the same task, or think the other person is doing it and it falls undone between us. What needs to change?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
May 31, 2011
Question: When someone has an explosive temper tantrum, what can I do besides stand by, feeling, scared, shocked, and helpless?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
August 22, 2010
Question: I knew my friend had up and down moods before we started a business, so we were clear about our roles. Our small business is now successful and very busy with just us two working; how do I handle those moods keeping me uncertain and distracted?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
July 26, 2010
Question posed: Two people in the office had a disagreement about a work assignment, which is challenging for the office manager. How do they fix the communication break down between those two so the work flows seamlessly again?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
May 29, 2010
Question: I’ve gotten feedback at work that I should change to be like everyone else, so I fit in better, but how do I do this without selling out what I like about myself?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
January 26, 2010
Question: When should I use conflict management and when is it okay to behave ‘normally’ and let go of conflict competence to experience real emotion, like anger.
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
November 28, 2009
Question posed: This question during a talk I gave. One man in the audience said a lot of getting along was being friendly and polite. Thus, he usually greeted everyone, even strangers in cities he visited, and they almost always returned his greeting...
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
August 31, 2009
Question posed: Is it seemly for a manager to apologize to someone he supervises?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
July 31, 2009
Question posed: In your experience as a Conflict Doctor, what is the most common cause of conflicts?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
April 20, 2009
Question: Sure, these are tough times in lots of different contexts. But some of my colleagues are letting their personal anxiety make them testy and hard to get along with at work, which makes me wonder if they want to be fired for bad behaviour. How do I cope with them?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
March 23, 2009
Question: I would like TIPs to survive when I have no power or high job title to make changes to the toxic environment I work in or ability to fire the stupid people on my team.
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
March 15, 2009
Question: My dear friend and I stopped talking to each other after a huge disagreement. As far as I'm concerned, the relationship is over like we've divorced, or I fired my friend. Yet, that fight and my ex-friend is all I seem to talk about when I see others who know us both.
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
January 31, 2009
Question: My two siblings are in a conflict and asked me to chose a side, like casting a deciding vote. I said I'm neutral, which upset them both. I have an opinion on who's correct, but don't want to get involved. Should I tell them my decision?
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Conflict Competence
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No one’s born with an instruction manual for conflict, or a hot line to conflict tech support. When you practice intentionally using your conversational competencies, you’re practicing your conflict competencies.
The Cassandra files
September 12, 2025
It’s hard to prove what didn’t happen. There's no do-over to prove that if you'd done something else you'd like the result better. How do you measure success or evaluate outcomes when you cannot prove what didn’t happen?
Conflict Doctor answers your questions
September 12, 2025
Question: A parent asked about his child’s recent public meltdown. As the Conflict Doctor, I squirmed, anticipating a parenting question that I’m not qualified to answer. Instead, he admitted his immature overreaction was the low point of the scene.
Conflict in fiction and popular culture
August 21, 2025
Move over Margaret Atwood and George Orwell. Kurt Vonnegut Jr. is another imaginer of future history whose sci-fi story parallels unfolding news. Player Piano, published in 1952, anticipated today's hopes and fears. In this story-world, algorithms replaced decision-making and AI replaced workers.
Conflict Competence
January 5, 2025
Are you tempted to be aggressive towards an adversary in hopes of achieving your preferred conflict outcome. In the podcast, I suggest other approaches that are more likely to get the result you want.
Conflict Competence
November 23, 2024
People who attend courses about managing conflicts report that they love the interactive experience, are excited about the skills they learn, give glowing testimonials to the instructors, see value in the material, and ... and then what? The follow up isn't encouraging.
Conflict Competence
January 25, 2021
Youths hang out online, where they can hang up, close the browser, switch tabs, open another app, flame an adversary in social media, block/ghost/gaslight, or log out. We know how to avoid conflict. Avoiding conflict rarely teaches anything useful for healthy and positive relationships. So, what are other options?
The Cassandra files
January 10, 2021
Societies are in hot disagreements over what limits on freedom are reasonable. Authorities emphasize reasonable limits as the answer. Protesters emphasize freedom. Traditional who, what, where, when and why questions don't ask: how do protesters define freedom?
The Cassandra files
October 1, 2020
A job ad I don't want to see. If you heard a pitch for a reality TV game show called Who is the Next Top Judge, would you watch?