Have you ever asked: “What could I have done differently?”

Ask me questions about how to do conflict better: whether to prevent a conflict, manage your current conflict, or be prepared for the next conflict that will happen. I’ve worked for decades to help people develop their conflict competence.

Is it okay to be skeptical about sad stories that end with “it was the best thing that could’ve happened”? They’re everywhere: anecdotes of a life lesson that was only learned through some awful experience.

Now that you’ve had the awful conflict, what’s the question you have about what to do better or differently next time?

Conflict Managers speak of ‘hurting truces’, where the parties are so damaged that continuing the fight causes more pain than resolving it would. We speak of ‘ripeness’ to resolve conflict because the cost of conflict is greater than the benefit of resolution. Wouldn’t it be nice to avoid more pain from conflict if you can and learn all the buried lessons if you can’t?

Ask me how.


Conflict Doctor at work
Conflict Doctor at work


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